It was my hubby’s birthday last week. In the days prior my inbox started filling up with loved ones asking “what does he want? He’s so hard to buy for!”.
I completely understand that last-minute panic, but “to buy for” always struck me as a strange way to frame gift giving. Anyone who knows me knows I hate shopping. But since childhood I’ve always loved thinking up gifts for people. That’s a totally different activity, because it has more to do with considering that person than it does with filling baskets. I love thinking about them, what conversations we’ve had and interests they’ve mentioned, what might surprise or make them smile, what they’ll actually get a kick out of using or doing.
This can take unexpected turns though. When I was seven, mum took me shopping for my best friend Alice’s birthday and I very carefully picked out a bright orange, flower-patterned broom. “Are you sure we shouldn’t look at the teddies again?” Mum called as I raced to the checkout, like a proud dog with an oversized stick. At a tea-party that weekend, I watched my bestie unwrap dozens of teddies and nail polish bottles. The broom hadn’t wrapped well so I just took it out of hiding from behind her sofa. I recall parents and little girls alike giving quizzical looks, while mum just shrugged. Then Alice squealed: “oh my gosh, dad look, I LOVE it!!!” One kid told me afterwards, if I had given her a broom, she would’ve uninvited me. But Alice I’ve known since we were four. She was a self-professed clean-freak with a soft spot for bright colours, the only kid I’d ever met who swept the kitchen twice a day without her parents asking – and she had recently mentioned how infuriating she found their broken broom. She used that flower-power one into university.
Introducing “experience-based” gifts
When picking out gifts these days, I tend to avoid shops altogether. Unless you know FOR SURE what object someone secretly wants, or there is something particular they’ve requested, it is hard to make something feel personal in today’s world of mass-marketing, fast-fashion and short attention spans. I think a good gift is something that makes someone feel seen and something they remember years later, so a strong choice is usually something experience-based.
This can include things like a pottery class, spa day, theme park entrance, round of golf, meal voucher to a local spot they’ve wanted to try, tickets to their favourite band, or even donating to a cause they care about. Instead of giving someone more “stuff,” you’re giving them something to do, feel or remember – and honestly, it changes everything about how gifting feels.
How experience-based gifts can be more personal
You know that stressful feeling when you’re walking around a shop trying to pick something for someone? You start second-guessing everything. Do they like this colour? Do they already have one? Is this too random? That’s because most physical gifts rely on guesswork. Experience-based gifts don’t. They start from a much better place – thinking about the person themselves.
It used to be that vouchers were the last-minute “I don’t know you well, so pick for yourself” panic-buy. I’ve found that only to be the case when you are buying for a shop they don’t have a connection to. My brother once mentioned his favourite morning cafe only took cash, slowing his commute. I popped in with a homemade voucher that the manager kindly signed, and pre-paid its value. It wasn’t about the coffee or the money, but listening and taking action on something small that started with him, not the product.
Experience-based gifts don’t have to be venue-focused either. There’s something meaningful about presents that reflect someone’s values. A cousin loved animals but wasn’t allowed pets in their flat. We took her to the local shelter and sponsored a furry friend of her choice. Of course, she picked the meanest moggie with the least chance of adoption! Its picture went on her fridge until it was.
Even if you don’t know someone that well, you usually know enough. Where they like to go, how they spend their weekends, what they talk about. That’s all you need to make a good call. And if you’re still unsure, giving a voucher to a place they already enjoy still feels personal, because it fits into their real life. Just make sure it’s flexible, with a wide enough time window that they can claim without pressure. Movie buff? A cinema pass. Bookworm? Trust me, a bookshop voucher will feel more personal than picking a random novel for them. Anniversary? Dinner for two provides a nice night out – throw in an IOU babysitting shift if you want to be a legend! The key is simple but easy to forget: think about them first, as a person, not just someone “to buy for”.
How experience-based gifts are more sustainable
Another major perk of experience-based gifts is that they are sustainable. The truth is, a lot of the things we buy today just don’t last. We’re surrounded by fast-fashion, fast-furniture and products designed to be replaced quickly. Even big-name brands often manufacture items in the same factories as lesser-known ones. The label might be different, but the quality isn’t always that far apart. So you end up with items that wear out quickly, go out of style, or simply don’t hold up over time.
When you give someone a physical gift, there’s always a risk it won’t quite fit into their life. Maybe it’s not their taste, maybe they don’t have space for it or maybe it just doesn’t get used. When that happens, best case it gets donated to a charity shop, but more commonly it gets discretely thrown away. After Christmas especially, there’s a huge increase in the planet’s waste. Packaging, wrapping paper and unwanted gifts pile up, and a surprising amount ends up in landfill. If you’re sending a present long-distance, that also brings issues of carbon emissions, excess packaging and last-mile congestion. The surge in e-commerce, particularly next-day delivery, relies on fuel-intensive air and road transport, which can produce up to 35 times more CO2 than slower options.
Experience-based gifts don’t need to be manufactured in the same way physical products do. There’s no mass production, no excess stock sitting in warehouses and no unnecessary use of materials. They also don’t require much packaging – sometimes none at all. A digital voucher sent by email can be the entire gift, which means no wrapping paper, no plastic and no delivery emissions if you’re sending it long-distance. My sister is a chef who lives abroad and asks we don’t post parcels as the negative environmental impacts outweigh her value of the present. One Christmas, instead of a gift, I donated to her local food bank in her name, and she still talks fondly about it.
There’s also the issue of trends. Physical gifts are often influenced by what’s popular at the time. Something might feel like the perfect choice because it’s everywhere, but trends fade quickly. When they do, the item can suddenly feel outdated or less desirable. Experiences don’t have that problem. A cooking class, a weekend away or tickets to an event don’t go out of style. They don’t depend on trends or lose value just because something new comes along.
At the same time, more people are starting to move toward a more minimal way of living. There’s a growing awareness that owning less can actually feel better – less clutter, less stress and more intention behind what you keep. Quality not quantity. An experience doesn’t take up space in their home. If you do decide to give something physical, there are still more stronger options. Choosing something second-hand or pre-loved can often mean better quality and a longer lifespan, while also keeping items out of landfill. Handmade gifts carry a completely different kind of value too. They feel personal in a way mass-produced items rarely do, because someone has taken the time to create something just for you.
How experience-based gifts promote connection and create memories
Another big perk of experience-based gifts is that they promote social engagement. In most cases, they involve getting out of the house, trying something new or interacting with other people. A class, tour, outing, activity or event naturally creates opportunities to connect. Interactions such as chatting with a tutor, sharing a table with others or learning alongside people and meeting others with similar interests can make the experience feel richer. That can involve you too! There’s something really special about turning a gift into a shared experience. Going to a class together, planning a day out or joining them at a concert becomes quality time, enhancing your relationship. That said, even private experiences like online classes or one-on-one sessions still involve some level of interaction and engagement. They encourage people to learn, reflect or connect in a way that feels more active than simply owning something.
More importantly, experiences tend to stay with us in a way physical items don’t. You might not remember every gift you’ve ever received, but you’ll remember the time you tried something new, went somewhere different or shared a really good day with someone. Those moments turn into stories and stories stick. Experience-based gifts can also introduce someone to a new interest, hobby or group of people. In that sense, you’re not just giving one gift – you’re giving the initial excitement of receiving a present, the experience itself, and whatever connection or memory it might lead to afterwards.
So, what’s the takeaway?
Experience-based gifts just make sense. They feel more personal because they’re based on who someone actually is, not a product in a shop. They’re more sustainable because they don’t rely on manufacturing, packaging or transportation in the same way physical products do, and they often can’t end up in the landfill. Finally, they offer something deeper – connection, activity and memories that last far longer than most objects ever will.
That doesn’t mean physical gifts are always wrong. But it does mean it’s worth pausing before you buy something and asking whether there’s a better option. In the end, the best gifts aren’t the ones that get unwrapped, they’re the ones that get experienced.
