Reflections on Change: "People Don’t Want Their Problems Solved"

“People don’t want their problems solved.”

Yesterday, I reached this conclusion about a local community group struggling with overwhelming admin. They raised some issues with me, sounding like they wanted solutions. But, in fact, they didn’t want to hear any. They insisted on throwing more people at menial tasks and continuing as they have for years, without progress.

I believe this is the core reason for the overwhelming inefficiency of our economy. Instead of implementing solutions, people prefer sitting in their comfort zone of inefficiency and complaining about it.

Honestly, this realization makes me sad, even angry at the world. But I’m channelling that into my interest in Change. For the past few years, I’ve been diving deep into the topic of change:

How to motivate change in myself, in others, in my child, in the outer world?
How to turn a change into a seamless habit?
What about climate change?
How to better facilitate transformational change in big organisations?
How to overcome our persistent resistance to change?

Today, my answer is: “If people don’t want to change, it’s because the straw hasn’t broken the camel’s back yet.”

In a world that needs constant improvement, clinging to outdated habits and expecting different results is just plain madness. We need to embrace change – not as a last resort, but as a proactive step towards improvement. Only then can we truly move forward.

Of my five questions above, today I feel I have the answers for two. I’m still working on the other three and I’m pretty close to publishing.

How to motivate yourself

In my experience yesterday, the group was not ready to change. But often, we as people want to make certain changes. We can see their benefits, but we feel stuck with the same old routine anyway. We tell ourselves “One day, when this happens, I’ll be able to…” or “when I have (blank), then I’ll be able to do what I want.” And this way, we can spend years unfulfilled and even feeling guilty for having taken no action.

So how do we avoid this misery? How do you actually motivate yourself to make a change?

Do:

Slow down to understand what you want and why. Clarity about your goals is more important than rushing towards something you don’t truly desire.
Remind yourself why your goal matters. Knowing your “why” can help you prioritize and regulate yourself, pushing you to do the work even when it feels hard. Think about how achieving this goal would make you feel. Think about the positive impact it would have on your life.
Acknowledge your past successes and recognise your strengths. This builds confidence and reinforces your belief in your ability to achieve your goals. Break down large goals into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate each milestone along the way.
Just do it! Don’t wait for motivation to strike – it might never come. Push through hesitation and take action, even if you don’t feel like it.
Give your best effort, whatever that looks like today. Even if you only have 20% to give on a particular day, giving that 20% is still giving 100% of what you have.

Don’t:

Don’t rely on motivation alone. Motivation is fleeting and often absent when you need it most. Instead of waiting for inspiration, create a plan and stick to it. Remember, motivation is not a magical force; it’s a skill you can develop with practice and the right strategies.
Don’t let technology control your life. Technology can be addictive and drain your energy, leaving you feeling disconnected and unmotivated.
Don’t give in to boredom. Boredom is a sign that your brain is craving dopamine, often leading to unproductive technology use. Instead of reaching for your phone, tolerate the boredom and see what happens. You might be surprised by the thoughts and ideas that emerge.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Social media often creates a distorted view of reality, leading to feelings of inadequacy and demotivation. Focus on your own goals and progress, not what others are doing.

How to Motivate Change in Others (and Yourself)

It can be challenging to inspire positive change in others and ourselves. Here are some valuable insights from Mel Robins and Dr. Tali Sharot, into the psychology of motivation, providing practical strategies to encourage positive change:

Understand our Drive for Control

One of the fundamental needs of every human being is the desire to feel in control of their own lives.
When individuals feel pressured or judged, it can trigger a sense of losing control, leading to resistance and defensiveness. This is because the desire to control is so deeply ingrained in us that it becomes a driving force in our interactions. We strive to control our environment, including the people around us, as a way of maximizing rewards and minimizing potential harm.
Therefore, approaching conversations about change with a focus on collaboration and empowerment is crucial. Instead of dictating what others “should” do, shift the focus to understanding their perspectives, acknowledging their autonomy, and exploring options together.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement

The Approach-Avoidance Principle: we as humans are more likely to take action to gain something positive (approach) than to avoid something negative (avoidance). This is due to an evolutionary connection in the brain between rewards and actions.
- When people anticipate something good, a “go” signal is activated in the brain, increasing their likelihood of action.
- Conversely, when people expect something bad, a “no-go” signal is activated, making inaction more likely.

This is because avoiding negative things often requires inaction, while getting positive things requires taking action.

For example, experiments have shown that people are better at pressing a button to gain money (reward) than to avoid losing money (punishment). This principle highlights why fear is often an ineffective motivational tactic, especially when you want someone to start a new behaviour.

Focus on the positive outcomes of change more so than emphasizing the negative consequences of inaction. For example, instead of dwelling on the health risks of smoking, highlight the benefits of quitting, such as improved skin, energy levels, and overall well-being.
It is crucial to celebrate progress, no matter how small. This sense of accomplishment fuels motivation and encourages continued effort. In fact, witnessing progress, even in small increments, brings us more joy than simply performing well.

Four Key Strategies for Motivating Change

Social Proof: Highlighting the positive actions of others can be a powerful motivator. We are naturally influenced by the behaviours of those around us, especially when we perceive them as part of our social group. For example, sharing the experience of someone we love or admire, someone who has already gone down a path of change we want to take, can encourage us and others to follow suit. Also, remember that seeking support from like-minded individuals can be incredibly beneficial. Surround yourself with people who understand your goals and encourage your progress. You may even want to temporarily separate yourself from the people who actively discourage you.
Immediate Rewards: Offering immediate rewards for positive actions can significantly increase motivation. This could involve simple gestures of appreciation, in the love language of the recipient, some verbal encouragement, or allowing oneself a small indulgence after completing a challenging task. The key is to link the reward directly to the desired action, reinforcing the positive behaviour.
Progress Tracking: Monitoring progress toward a goal can be incredibly motivating. Tracking progress visually creates a sense of accomplishment and momentum. This can be done by maintaining a journal or a calendar chart for example. The act of witnessing progress, even in small steps, fuels our desire to continue moving forward.
Collaborative approach: When trying to motivate others, respects their autonomy and focus on their desires, not yours. Offer choices, empower them to make decisions, and celebrate their progress with genuine enthusiasm. Our goal is to create a more supportive and encouraging environment for positive change, both in ourselves and in those around us.

How make a change stick and turn into a seamless habit

You’ve likely heard the popular notion that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. However, according to a study done in the European Journal of Social Psychology, entitled “how are habits formed”, lead researcher – prof. Phillippa Lally from the University of Surrey (How are habits formed: Modeling habit formation in the real world | Request PDF (researchgate.net)) shows that habit formation is a much more individual process that can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days.

Forget about rigid timelines and embrace the fact that developing automaticity depends on several factors, primarily the context of your life, your environment, and the resistance you experience.

Resistance is a major factor that influences the duration of habit formation.

If you find yourself constantly battling negative thoughts, self-criticism, or criticism coming from outside of you, the process will naturally take longer.

On the other hand, being surrounded by supportive people, immersed in an environment that encourages the new behaviour, and having a powerful reward system in place can significantly reduce resistance, accelerating the process.

The complexity of the habit itself also contributes to the timeline.

A simple habit, like drinking a glass of water after waking up, may become automatic relatively quickly. However, a more complex habit, such as being mindful and removing single use plastic from your life will naturally take longer.

The key to faster habit formation is removing resistance and making the process enjoyable.

Mel Robbins is my northern star when it comes to building habits. And her advice is to approach habit formation like training a puppy. Just as you wouldn’t expect a puppy to sit on command, you can’t expect yourself to seamlessly adopt new behaviours without a structured approach. Forget complicated self-improvement strategies and embrace the simplicity of:

Cues – Identify a specific trigger that signals the desired action
Behaviour patterns – consistently perform the new behaviour
Rewards – crucially, reward yourself immediately after.

Just like a dog associates the word “sit” with a treat, your brain will link the cue with the positive reinforcement, solidifying the habit.

For me the hardest one of the three, is to identify a satisfying reward that is not in contradiction with my goal. E.g., If I’m trying to reduce my consumption of single use items, I wouldn’t want to reward myself with buying something new. So, my rewards are often linked to spending time with friends, enjoying time with animals, napping, warm baths – all mostly subtle ways to feel content after I’ve done something difficult. Remember, the reward should come immediately after the behaviour – within seconds if possible.

This process requires you to shift from being an “innie” organiser, trying to manage change solely in your mind, to becoming an “outie” organiser. I.e., instead of relying on willpower, create external systems that make your desired habits unavoidable. Mel’s examples are really good: if you want to exercise first thing in the morning, lay out your training gear from the night before. If you want to drink more water, put a full water bottle next to your coffee maker, i.e., attach it to an existing habit and remove any friction for yourself.

Write down your goals and place them where you’ll see them constantly.
Remove temptations by making bad choices inconvenient or completely out of reach.
Actively track your progress using a visual method, like a calendar or a chart, to reinforce your commitment and to create a sense of accomplishment.

These seemingly simple actions are powerful because they leverage the science of behaviour change, making it easier to stay consistent and motivated, ultimately transforming your desires into effortless, automatic habits.

Reflections on Change: “People Don’t Want Their Problems Solved”